Once again I emerge from the dark, a handful of chicken ramen reviews clenched in my ruined hand. It’s been eight months since the last installment, but this is the series that doesn’t when to end!

Snapdragon Chicken Pho (230 Calories, 4g fat, 1050 mg sodium)

KLS lightly chastises me for buying pho noodles since she knows I don’t like them. But surely one day a chicken version will be good?

This is not that day. Despite the inclusion of (I’m serious here) a packet of flavour oil labeled as ‘Dragon Tears‘, I found this largely flavourless and the texture was as evil as I always find it to be. I won’t score it, but there’s no chance I’ll ever try it again.

King Noodle (490 Calories, 16 g fat, 1660 mg sodium)

This is one of those large cup instant ramen, and since it’s got more fat than usual for these sort of products I assumed taste would follow. My assumption was incorrect.

This was just a big cup of ‘ok’. There was nothing bad about the noodles or flavour, but also nothing particularly noteworthy. In fact it was so bland I wonder where all that fat went? I’d never try this one again either.

Tapatio Chicken Ramen (280 Calories, 9 g fat, 1240 mg sodium)

This company makes hot sauce, and also a large range of cup ramen, including spicy chicken variants. If you peruse the packaging you’ll notice this one is simply ‘chicken’ and there’s no mention (or warning) of spiciness.

So when I opened the flavour packet and it was bright orange, my concern rose. When I then breathed in and could smell the spice, I knew this wasn’t for a gringo like me. Despite this I stirred it and tentatively tasted the fork, and found it was way too spicy for my delicate palette!

I handed it off to KLS (the chicken flavour was artificial) and she said it was “average”. For the fact they snuck hot spice into it without labeling as much, this product – nay this entire brand – is now dead to me!

Gefen Fat Free Chicken (160 Calories, 0 g fat, 970 mg sodium)

Gefen remains my favourite chicken cup noodle, and I eat many dozens every year. They don’t introduce variants often, so I was surprised to find this fat and msg-free version at my local store.

I cooked it up with high expectations, but it was completely different from their usual ramen, with nasty spaghetti-like noodles and absolutely no taste. Frankly it was dreadful, and shouldn’t exist.

I hurled the empty cup into the trash with a curse, and immediately cooked and ate one of their normal – always delicious – versions.

And so I shall now return to the mists, resuming my endless search for new chicken ramen. No man knows how many I have now tasted, nor when the next installment will manifest….