Recently I bought myself a copy of the 1980 first edition version of the Deities & Demigods rulebook for AD&D. This book contains statistics for a large amount of gods divided by pantheon, in addition to the (frankly absurd) statement:
The purpose of this book is not to provide adversaries for player characters
Of course if that’s not what they are for, then the purpose must be for the Gods to fight themselves correct?
Here then, is such an occurence. The Cthulhu pantheon is included (sans copyright, of course) in the book, and for the first time ever (on this blog), lets find out who amongst them is strongest of them all!
(Note: I’m using AD&D 2E rules, not cheating, and will run this as a single-knockout tournament with random matchups between gods – no lackeys unless summoned – only.)
The first round matches are as follows:
Cthulhu vs Cthugha
Azathoth vs Nyarlathotep
Hastur vs Yog-Sothoth
Shub-Niggurath (pass this round)
ROUND ONE!
VS 
Cthulhu rolls initiative and attacks first. This is a beatdown so he ignores all his ‘standard’ divine powers (as described by Deities & Demigods) and comes out swinging. Cthugha makes his save (2 or better) against death and doesn’t go insane when Cthulhu gets within 100 miles of him, but then Cthulhu hits with 14 of his 30 tentacles for a total of 91 points of damage. Cthuga is down to 309 hp. During his attack, Cthulhu also summons a force of 71 deep ones for assistance.
Now it’s Cthugha’s turn. Immediately Cthulhu takes 27 points of fire damage for being in proximity, and then Cthugha casts two lvl 30 fireballs and simltaneously hits with two flaming tentacles. Cthulhu resists (80%) both spells but the tentacles hit him for 48 hp. In addition, 52 of the deep ones are incinerated immediately.
And so it goes. The next round Cthulhu (after regenerating 10 hp) hits Cthugha for 85 hp of damage, and only one of the 19 remaining deep ones also hits for 2 hp of damage. Cthugha is down to 222 hp. Cthulhu then takes a combined 44 hp of damage from Cthugha in his next turn (again, resisting Cthugha’s foremost attack – his spells) and is standing tall with 291 hp remaining.
It’s a close battle, but after four more rounds Cthulhu (77 hp remaining) lays the deathblow on Cthugha.
Winner: Cthulhu
VS 
Yog-Sothoth rolls initiative.
Hastur is a truly mighty foe, with 400 hp, 2 colossal attacks (each doing 20-200 damage) and a wealth of magic powers. However Yog-Sothoth is described in the sourcebook as follows:
Yog-Sothoth is not subject to the laws of space and time and can, for example, appear at various points of the universe simultaneously.
I shall interpret this as Yog essentially fighting as two copies of himself, with shared hitpoints. Thus, Yog goes first and swings at Hastur with his 24 limbs (spheres?) and hits 20 times for 87 hp of damage. Hastur, down to 313 hp, then swings both his 300 foot-long arms at Yog and hits with each for a stunning 402 hp of damage, killing Yog outright.
Winner: Hastur the Unspeakable
VS 
Azathoth rolls initiative. As soon as he is within 1000 miles of Nyarlathotep (only a ‘lesser god’) Nyarlathotep fails his save vs spells (rolls 6, needs 8 or better) and goes permanently insane.
(Near default) winner: Azathoth (Blind Nuclear Chaos)
Three down, four remaining. Time for…
ROUND TWO!
VS 
Hastur rolls initiative but fails his save versus spells and goes permanently insane.
Winner: Azathoth (The King At The Center Of Infinity)
VS 
After getting a free pass into round 2, Shub’s a bit restless. However she’s not so happy about squaring her lesser god self off against round one (and famous face of the mythos) greater god Cthulhu. And less so when Cthulhu rolls initiative.
First turn: Cthulhu hits Shub a stunning 30 times for 213 hp of damage and summons 48 deep ones for assistance.
Shub only has one attack but it’s a doozy: a successful hit would have a 46% chance of killing (absorbing) Cthulhu instantly. She makes the hit, but Cthulhu saves. At the end of her turn she summons a single Byakhee for assistance.
In his next turn Cthulhu hits another 30 times (he only needs to roll 3 or better…) for 229 hp of damage. The deep ones dance on her corpse…
Winner: Cthulhu
Onle two remain: Cthulhu versus Azathoth. The most famous versus the most powerful. Who will win in…
THE FINAL ROUND!
VS 
Azathoth rolls initiative and… approaches Cthulhu. At the 1000 mile mark Cthulhu reluctantly picks up his d20. He knows that he needs to roll a 8 or better else he shall go permanently insane and Azathoth shall win. He throws the die and it rolls along the gaming table… eventually revealing a…
(Yes, this really happened).
Winner: Azathoth (he probably still would have won even if his opponents made their saves!)
