Bond Film Reviews (part 1)

Recently we watched the first twenty James Bond films. We watched them in order, almost one every day for a little over three weeks.

Of course we’ve seen them many, many times before (I even know some dialogue by heart) but it was fun watching them in the order they were released and seeing the connections between them.

While there’s no such thing as a bad James Bond film, some are better than others. Here’s part one of my twenty-word reviews of all twenty of them!

Dr. No (1962)
An iconic start with a good story and lovely scenic shots, but the villain is underutilized and the ending rushed.
Rating: 007 out of 10

From Russia With Love (1963)
Connery oozes confidence, the girl is charming, the gadgets are introduced and the story keeps your interest. Amongst the best.
Rating: 009 out of 10

Goldfinger (1964)
Good action scenes, elaborate sets and a memorable villain, but the girl is bland. Connery has become Bond by now.
Rating: 007 out of 10

Thunderball (1965)
Great underwater action and an iconic casino scene. Bond is fearless to the point of amused and Domino is cute.
Rating: 007 out of 10

You Only Live Twice (1967)
Casual racism notwithstanding; an enormously entertaining film. Highlights include wonderful period shots of 1960s-era Tokyo and an awesome villains lair.
Rating: 008 out of 10

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)
Lazenby shines in a film that keeps plot in focus while still delivering action and humour. The best Bond film.
Rating: 0010 out of 10

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)
‘Bond in America’ features a tired Connery in a strangely surreal story that hardly feels like Bond. Weakest so far.
Rating: 005 out of 10

Live And Let Die (1973)
A new Bond brings us a great villain, insane gadgets, more comedy, supernatural elements and the prettiest Bond girl yet!
Rating: 008 out of 10

The Man With The Golden Gun (1974)
Christopher Lee is fantastic but the film misses more than it hits and has some truly regrettable inclusions. Largely forgettable.
Rating: 006 out of 10

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)
The precredit sequence is legendary and the theme song shines. Jaws, the underwater base and submarine car make this memorable.
Rating: 008 out of 10

A mostly good fifteen year run of films so far, but can the quality continue into the 1980s and 1990s? Stay tuned for part two…

Paper Boys

In 1985 or 1986, Bernard and I got our first jobs. My memories are somewhat vague regarding certain details, but I seem to think it was Dads idea and he was instrumental in getting us a weekly paper run.

Every Wednesday we delivered a free newspaper called The Newcastle Star to a few hundred houses in a suburb called Redhead. Dad picked us up after school, we’d drive to a house in Gateshead to collect the papers, then drive to Redhead to deliver them. The three of us worked together and it usually took us several hours. I recall it was hard work, and not something any of us much enjoyed.

Redhead is an old sun-dried suburb known for its beach and looks very similar today to what I recall from then. We’d park our car with a bootfull of papers and each of us would pick a few blocks and walk around by ourselves delivering the papers.

The newspapers were big – both physically and by page count – and filling a shoulder bag with dozens of them made for quite a burden. They often came with a variety of additional advertising materials we had to combine with the papers ourselves, which increased the work time accordingly.

I believe we each settled on our parts of the suburb that we did every week, rather than switch it up. I myself walked the southeastern blocks closest to the beach, and my route included many of the lanes that run behind the houses. It was routine work: walk from house to house stuffing a rolled up paper into a mailbox or between fence slats or – if there was nowhere else to put it – putting a elastic band around it and tossing it into a yard.

I believe we ignored the – rare in those days – signs that said ‘no advertising materials’. Maybe due to some mechanism in place to verify the papers were actually delivered? At any rate the paper seemed quite popular in those days and even though I didn’t like delivering it I looked forward to reading it 🙂

It was tough work in summer, sweaty and tiring and I’m sure sunburn was common! But the truly wretched times were when it rained. We experimented with ponchos and other means to stay dry but nothing worked well and mostly we just got very wet while doing our best to keep the papers dry. Heavy rain often delayed our ability to deliver, but there was a deadline so sometimes we had to do it regardless.

Some other memories:
– There were several houses with evil, ravenous dogs! I hated these, and even sometimes ran past them in fear of my life 🙂
– We used to leave the car unlocked and the boot wide open so we could restock as necessary. In those days I suppose we didn’t consider thieves being a problem.
– I witnessed a dramatic car collision once at an intersection (near the church in the photo below) and was momentarily confounded as to what to do. But when the drivers got out and both seemed ok I walked on.
– A few times we were given actual product samples to deliver with the paper. These included washing machine detergent and some type of powdered drink. I think we just kept them ourselves – boxes of them! – rather than deal with the nightmare of carrying them 🙂
– One time the paper included a game piece for a McDonalds game that awarded actual prizes. Naturally we kept most of these ourselves and I recall eating free fries and hamburgers for some time…

If we didn’t enjoy it and it was difficult, physical work then why did we do it? The pay was good! Although dad drove us and did at least a third of the work he let Bernard and I split all the pay, and we got $30 or more each every week, which is close to $100 today. For a 13 or 14 year old this was amazing money in 1985 and I still remember using my first paycheque to buy two records (amongst other things) which were the first I ever bought ‘with my own money’.

My pay funded my video game, gamebook and music purchases for several years. It enabled weekly trips into Newcastle for movies/arcades/shopping and bought me more lollies and McDonald’s than I ever thought possible! I still own some of the things I bought with those wages to this day 🙂

In 1987 Bernard entered year 11 and chose to end the run. Dad and I continued alone for a while, but soon the Australian government started giving money to school kids (Austudy) and there was simply no need for us to work any more. I’m sure I sighed with relief after that final paper was delivered!

I would receive Austudy until just before leaving Australia and never worked again until I moved here. My first and last Australian career then: a paperboy. Hell in it’s day, but somewhat fondly remembered now.

Next time I visit I’ll go to Redhead and walk my route again for old times sake. I hope it triggers memories I haven’t even been able to remember for this post…

Meat Boats

It’s time for some lockdown cooking! As with most of the world we’re eating every meal at home, and as a result my culinary skills have evolved to the next level. Today I’ll share a new recipe I’m calling meat boats!

Here’s what you need:

As you can see, we don’t skimp on quality in this house! As the name suggests this recipe requires a fifth ingredient as well, and you start by heating it in a pan:

I’m using 1/4 lb of 93% ground beef. That’s enough for one person, but the recipe is of course scalable if you want to host a dinner party. Cook the meat on high until it’s done, adding a trace (a few atoms is enough) of taco seasoning so as not to cloud the meaty taste.

While the beef is simmering heat the tortilla bowls in a microwave, then add a light dusting of cheese:

Carefully add the meat while it’s steaming hot to melt the cheese. Never forget taste is half visual, so make sure it looks good:

The last ingredient is the lettuce. Don’t overdo this; again you don’t want to overwhelm the beef experience:

And you’re done! Here’s the final restaurant-quality dish with a side of lime corn chips:

Looks delicious doesn’t it!?! But the truth is in the tasting and…

They got the thumbs up! They were beefy and dry, like little meat sandwiches. Easy to make; easier to eat.

Meat Boats: why not try them yourself?